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April 21, 2005
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Posted by Elie at 05:53 PM
April 18, 2005
The Greatest Lies in Aviation
I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.
Me? I've never busted minimums.
We will be on time, maybe even early.
Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.
I have no interest in flying for the airlines.
I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.
All that turbulence spoiled my landing.
I'm a member of the mile high club.
I only need glasses for reading.
I broke out right at minimums.
The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.
Don't worry about the weight and balance -- it'll fly.
If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.
I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree and 3000 hours in a Lear.
We shipped the part yesterday.
All you have to do is follow the book.
This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.
We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.
Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.
I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.
No need to look that up, I've got it all memorized.
Sure I can fly it -- it has wings, doesn't it?
We'll be home by lunchtime.
Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.
I'm always glad to see the FAA.
We fly every day -- we don't need recurrent training.
It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?
I thought YOU took care of that.
I've got the field in sight.
I've got the traffic in sight.
Of course I know where we are.
I'm SURE the gear was down.
Posted by Elie at 05:12 PM
A Flying students' diary..
Lesson 1: Rain
Lesson 2: Rain
Lesson 3: No rain; no visibility either
Lesson 4: Take instructor to lunch. Discover I don't know enough to take instructor to lunch.
Lesson 5: Fly! Do first stall and second stall during same maneuver. Cover instructor with lunch.
Lesson 6: Learned not to scrape frost off Plexiglas with ice-scraper. Used big scratch as marker to set pitch.
Lesson 7: Instructor wants me to stop calling throttle "THAT BIG KNOB THING." Also hates when I call instruments "GADGETS"
Lesson 8: Radios won't pick up radio stations, so I turned them off. Instructor seems to think I missed something.
Lesson 9: Learned 10 degree bank is not a steep turn. Did stall again today. Lost 2000 feet. Instructor said that was some kind of record -- my first compliment.
Lesson 10: Did steep turn. Instructor said I was not ready for inverted flight yet.
Lesson 11: Instructor called in sick. New instructor told me to stop calling her "BABE". Did steep turns. She said I had to have permission for inverted flight.
Lesson 12: Instructor back. He told me to stop calling him "BABE", too. He got mad when I pulled power back on takeoff because the engine was to loud.
Lesson 13: Instructor said after the first 20 hours, most students have established a learning curve. He said there is a slight bend in mine. Aha--progress!
Lesson 14: Did stalls. Clean recovery. Instructor said I did good job. Also did turns around a point. Instructor warned me never to pick ex-fiancee’s house as point again.
Lesson 15: Did circuit work. Instructor said that if downwind, base and final formed a triangle, I would be perfect. More praise!
Lesson 16: First landing at a controlled field. Did fine until I told the captain in the 747 ahead of us on the taxiway to move his bird. Instructor says we'll have ground school all this week on radio procedures.
Lesson 17: Asked instructor if everyone in his family had turned grey at such an early age. He smiled. We did takeoff stalls. He says I did just fine but to wait until we reached altitude next time. Three Niner Juliet will be out of the shop in three days when the new strut and tire arrive. Instructor says his back bothers him only a little.
Lesson 18: Flew through clouds. I thought those radio towers were a lot lower. I'm sure my instructor is going grey.
Lesson 19: Left flaps down for entire flight. Instructor asked way. I told him I wanted the extra lift as a safety margin. More ground school.
Lesson 20: Asked instructor when I could solo. I have never seen anyone actually laugh until they cried before.
Posted by Elie at 05:04 PM